It has been a long time since I last blogged. Because of this I have a lot to blog about, so I will probably crank out quite a few posts over the next week. I figure my first post should be about why I haven't posted in such a long time (seems only fitting).
For some reason every time I have sat down to blog, I have had the sudden, overwhelming urge not to. I can remember several times where I was ready to blog and all of a sudden was very uncomfortable with the thought of sharing my life with anyone who wanted to read it. I have closed myself off to most of the world. Few people know what is going on in my heart and mind as of late. It is because of this that I feel a strong need to post now (rather than working on my latest writing workshop piece, although I am having a lot of fun writing a satire). I guess it comes down to the fact that I haven't had things go my way, and I haven't been comfortable with what's going on in my life. This may sound weird, seeing as I cannot control my depression, and it effects me on a daily basis, but I guess that just means that I have come to be somewhat comfortable and even confident in my depression. I still want it gone, but I have started to come to grips with my life a little bit, no matter how much it may be covered with despair.
Anyway, I apologize for not letting you, the reader of this blog, in on what has happened in my life as of late. I realize that, because of this, I have strayed away from one of the goals of this blog (to be more honest and transparent with my life and depression). I will try to make up for this gap with several posts this week. I'll also be posting some music that I've been listening to lately. I thought this one fitting, it's a Sam Cooke cover by Ben Sollee. He plays the cello, my favorite instrument to listen to. He is scheduled to play at Bonnarroo this summer. Credit to Zach Naylor for showing me Ben Sollee. Have a good listen.
Hey man, other text message to the ground member here.
ReplyDeletei enjoy your blog,checked it after our fb band reunion.
i will say though, seeing as how you say you feel bad about not posting in some time, and in light of other things, do you think a blog is the best way to deal with this? I'm not saying that I don't, just something to consider. If you aren't being transparent, it could be for a number of inner reasons, or simply being rendered incapable of doing so. Perhaps, with as little presumption as possible, consider maybe that while publishing these matters may seem more transparent, the veil of the interwebs still separates and provides protection, anonymity, etc. I suppose this is only to think about if you are wrought by shame, in which case, all i can say is been there, done that, and to paraphrase the late great abraham lincoln "these disorders are merely misfortunes, not faults". Getting out your feelings on the web is great, just make sure that transparency translates from the www to the wwwheaton. teehee. As far as the religious content of your blog, know that it seems pretty clear that Jeremiah was manic depressive, Ezekiel was Schizoaffective, depressed and disassociative- themes which carry into most other prophets. Paul seems pretty manic, etc. Psychopathological disorders then, to a certain extent, are in no way a biblical, and hence "christian" anomaly. YHWH gets pretty depressed too doo...jeremiah 2, hosea, Isaiah 1-39, etc.
I guess i'd just offer the following advice,
you're cool, i like-a-you, trust people, don't blame anyone, tune your mind to knowledge in the face of overwhelming emotion, punch guilt in the face, and survive.
ps.
i know, it's a real shitter. i write to you loaded up on all sorts of amphedemines, citalophram, decent amounts of caffiene/nicotine, and 600 mg's of lithium.
keep it real