Redemption

So Friday went from being one of the most painful nights of my life to Saturday's completely unexpected redemption of this situation.

Alright, Alright, I'll explain a bit more. Friday night I experienced my physical pain thing with substance use. If you don't know what this is, please go back and read the blog post with no title that starts with "this is going to be a fast sporadic post". Anyway, it happened again. The thing that made this time so hard was that the person who caused it knows about what happens to me. As you can probably see, with my last few posts, I have a lot of trouble with trusting that people care about me. Obviously, this was one such instance. So I sat there, experiencing both physical and emotional pain. Eventually I talked to the friend, but that didn't really do very much. I then drove my other friend home. We talked a lot and I cried and explained everything. Then I went to another friend's house and talked some more. Eventually I asked the friend that was involved in the issue if we could talk in person that night. She said no.

This is where God started working. The old me would have said, "Forget that, I'm coming over anyway!", but I remembered a conversation that my mentor and I had about timing. He said that even if it makes sense, and is right for you, the other person may not be ready to hear what you have to say. So, I waited.

So it came to the next day. I decided to read my Bible for the first time in months. I read 1 Corinthians 13, and every Psalm with the word truth in the NIV concordance, along with a few others. After this, I went to Arco practice, and then to my last instrumental concert.

I could make an entire post about the concert, but I will try to keep it concise(ish). I didn't have my best concert, in fact, I made quite a few mistakes. However, it was probably my favorite concert that I have been a part of. The energy in that show was something that I haven't experienced at WA before. More than that though, I was able to be deeply encouraged by my instructor of 4 years, and I was able to encourage him.

After this, it was time for me to talk with the friend that I had the giant issue with the night before. Now you're probably expecting me to still be pretty upset, considering it was the worst I had felt in a long time. Well, so was I, but by that time I was so happy from playing music with the people that I love that all I wanted to do was go and tell me friend how much I loved them. Seriously. All I wanted to do was communicate my love to my dear friend, regardless of the situation. We talked about what had happened. I tried to explain, as did they. That went fine, but all I wanted was for them to know that they were loved, and as a tangent off that, that they could still trust me. Because of this, we ended up talking for a long time and telling each other things that we were both afraid to say before. I should also mention that, I have finally started to move into depending on God rather than people a bit more, and I think this made the conversation much easier to have.

In short, I went from thinking that I was going to lose a friend, to strengthening a very important friendship. As far as depression goes (seeing as this is the point of my blog), this feels like a big step in the right direction. I feel like I am not only starting to rely on God a little bit more, but I was able to have a healthy friendship, and feel the best that I have in a long time. I do not know if this was the medicine working, or if it was God working through music and friends, but I do know that it was good.