Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Bite Your Lip and Take It

So I have this really bad habit of biting the inside of my lip. I do it whenever I'm stressed or depressed(not that those two are usually separate). It's a very odd thing, but I thought that I would try and come clean about it and also attempt to put words on why I do it....so here it goes!

The thought process behind it is, for the most part, nonexistent. I mean it's not like I am completely unaware of what is going on. I realize that it is happening, but I don't consciously think "Oh I think I will go ahead and tear up my inner lip now." Truth is, I don't want to do it. Well part of me doesn't. The smart part of me doesn't want to do it, but that would be pretty boring to write about now would it? I guess the part of me that bites my lip has a lot of different motivations. Part of me likes to be in control, and that is an easy way to be in control. Another part honestly enjoys the pain. I don't know if that's a depressed thing or a weird person thing, but sometimes it feels good to hurt. Also, part of me just needs to feel something, anything, to know that I'm real. The pain preoccupies me and takes my mind off of whatever is at hand. Obviously, this is of value to a depressed person. Pain takes me somewhere else so that I don't have to face the problem at hand.

Another part of me that I'm still just beginning to understand likes to think that I'm screwed up. I don't know why, but a part of me wants to be dark and messed up. I think that depression is almost becoming hip, for this reason, but that's for another post in the future. Anyway, I wrote this short post because I wanted to be real about it and I wouldn't be opposed to reader's keeping me accountable on stopping it because I know it can't be good for my lip. Here's a picture of my lip, so you can check how I'm doing if you want. the white part on the left is my lip trying to compensate for the lack of flesh so it kind of laps over with this white stuff that I am fascinated by. I just bit this like yesterday and today and it's already healing!

5 comments:

  1. "Another part of me that I'm still just beginning to understand likes to think that I'm screwed up. I don't know why, but a part of me wants to be dark and messed up."

    me too. i don't know what it is... i think a lot of the people i really admire are this way. it's like there's that part of you that you just will not let go of. you wouldn't be completely you without it. so there is a desire to show that as well.

    ReplyDelete
  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  3. whoo me too! my mouth was bleeding in church today. this lady was looking at my weird cuz i couldn't make it stop.

    just be careful cuz it makes you more prone to mouth cancer and that's the worst kind besides prostate cancer.

    i agree with sara though about the whole dark and messed up thing. it just feels so homey and comfortable to be so low and inside myself. it's like Steward from Mad TV when he goes to his "Dark Place". i always laugh but that's my favourite place to be.

    also, i love that song :]

    ReplyDelete
  4. God loves you! (I bite the inside of my mouth too) I actually like to put my fingers in my mouth and touch where I bit because I like the sting of the pain of my fingers against it. I don't know why I just have done it for so long! Right now I can't bite it anymore because I bit it so much today!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh thank god I thought this white pat was an infection in my lip, glad its not :s and as you can tell, I do so too. And I get the "a part of me wants to be dark and messed up" a lot. I guess it's just because we may want to be different or think we deserve it, like that for me at least. And agreed^^ love the song!

    ReplyDelete