Even Writing A Letter Is Hard

My Grandpa's birthday is this Sunday so I had to write him a note. I don't have a very good relationship with my grandparents. My Grandpa isn't a Christian and we don't see eye to eye on very many things. My Grandma married him and we have issues of our own. I call them after Christmas and my birthday to thank them for my gifts, or money, and talk to them occasionally, but they insist that I write them notes.

This doesn't sound like a big deal to most people, but they constantly guilt trip me about it, and by constantly, I mean constantly, and by guilt trip, I MEAN Guilt Trip. It's bad, and I let it get to me. I have wanted to write that note so many times, but have never gotten up the courage to actually write it. Lately I have felt really convicted that I need to be a better witness to my grandpa, and I decided the best way to do this was by writing a note.

So I set out to write him a note today. The big problem came when my grandma decided to shoot me another email, and by shoot I mean stab me in the heart with. See the thing is, my grandpa is slowly going blind, and he fainted last week so he has been in the hospital. Obviously this was perfect ammunition for her to take me on yet another trip (of what type you can most likely infer). Anyway, words were typed to me, and I felt awful. So I sat down to write this note. I laid there with my head in my hands for about fifteen minutes before I could even begin to write the note. For some reason, my depression took over and I was overwhelmed with the task at hand. It's a weird feeling that I can't really describe since the moment has passed, but it's one of complete loss of control and a great big heap of apathetic despair. I finally got up the courage to write it, thank God, but writing a note should still not be so difficult.

I realize that this first post may come off as a pity party for me. That was not the intent. My grandparents do not know any better. I do. This situation was my fault, and I am so glad that I am on my way to reconciling the problem that I have caused. I just chose today to write my first post as an instance where depression definitely played a role in the every day life.

P.S. I decided not to post the note here, but if you really want to read it I will be happy to share the note with you, just let me know.