Based on an experience I had this morning, I would have to say the latter. Today at church I walked by a woman that I know and I said "hey', like I usually do. She responded with "Hey, how are you?". I said "Good. How are you?'. As I turned to hear her answer I saw that she was already turning the corner not waiting to hear my answer, let alone respond to my question. As I think about it now, this is not uncommon. Most people that I pass that ask how I am doing are just walking by, so I answer "good" or "fine". No matter how I am feeling. This is because I don't want to share with them if they aren't genuinely interested. Also I just don't want to share.The problem that I have found is that I can't tell if people are truly interested so I just end up not sharing what's really going on in my life. Now, to be honest, I'm a closed off person a lot of the time, due to a lack of trust; so I'm not sure if I would share anyway, but I'd like to at least have the option.
Another thing that I have noticed is that my answer compensates for my depression. In reality, I am never fully doing well(as well as I was before depression), but I don't want to answer like that, so I say good if I'm as good as I can be while experiencing depression. If I were to rate on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being the most depressed I have been and 10 being the least. I answer good for about a 7, and fine for a 5. Sometimes I'll be as low as a 3 and still say fine.
So, How am I doing? Well, I'll tell you. I'm about as good as I can be with my depression. I have had some great conversations recently; some of which I even started. I've taken initiative to go down to the city, do some homework, and invite friends to go to concerts with me. I haven't been very sad since my first blog post. So if you asked me, and many have, how I am doing. I would say that I am good. My conclusion: Good is a relative term in my book. Although, as I'm learning in philosophy, aren't all things?
P.S. I'm interested to hear any readers thoughts on this. Please comment below and say your thoughts on the culture of greetings or just answer with how you typically respond, wether it be good, fine, terrible, or anything else!
Cultural ... I think so. Yet in my experience genuine with some. Over time I have come to understand and somewhat know who wants a glimpse into how I really am and who is just asking because it seems to come out with their everyday hellos. I often respond with good and move on, but stop and stay a while with those who hold my gaze when asking and with those who aren't moving on to the next hello or the next step of their day.
ReplyDeleteI find in my dealings with people that when people ask "how are you" we just want to respond in as quick and plain way as we can. If someone asks how you are and you say bad, they are most likely to ask why. We say "fine" or "good" even when we are feeling pretty crappy, because when we are feeling crappy we usually don't want to talk about it with people we don't know very well. I mean when I'm at a 3, I barely want to talk to people that I'm close to, let alone people I barely know.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with your comment on people asking "whats up?" and walk off before hearing a reply. It seems that so many are so consumed with whats on their mind and forget the importance of community. Communication is very important and there is a lot more beauty in our lives when we find people we can actually share the good and the bad of life with. This blog entry has encouraged me to listen to what people sincerely.
ReplyDeleteKeep up the blog writing man! its a good outlet! I need to start blogging again
Please know that if I ask, "How are you?" I genuinely want to know. Otherwise, I try to greet people with, "Good morning," or "It's good to see you," which I do mean. I've tried to be much more aware of saying exactly what I mean. I'm not always successful, but I do notice a difference in the conversations and relationships I have with those around me. So, if I ask you how you are, and you answer with a number, I'll know what you mean. ~Mama G.
ReplyDeleteThis blog is truly excellent, in its simplicity, honesty, and level of insight.
ReplyDeleteP.S. We need to hang this summer.
Amen, bro. Shallowness around me makes me desire greater and greater REAL connection with others. That real connection requires TIME - time for someone to look me/you in the eye and say, "How ARE you doing?" And time is not something that Americans often value.... But you can be salt & light by being willing to take time to look someone in the eye and ask them how they're really doing. Like Mary would, as opposed to Martha, in Luke 10.
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